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    Date Movie

    Reviewed by
    adamwatchesmovies@

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    Unless you've got a time machine and you can transport yourself back to 2006, somehow reduce your brain power to that of a teenager's and annihilate your taste in comedies, there is absolutely no reason to see "Date Movie". The plot is a spoof of both "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and "Meet the Parents". Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan) is overweight and dreams of finding the perfect man. Her father believes her odds are slim and suggests she marry someone with the same heritage as her (Greek, Indian, Japanese and Jewish) so the only possible choice is Nicky, a dirty, greasy disgusting man that hangs out at the family restaurant. Julia rejects the creature and instead instantly falls for Grant, a handsome British customer. The two form a connection but Julia decides to get a makeover before she can make her move. Enter Hitch (Tony Cox) who helps Julia with a makeover. Now a smokin' slim beauty, Julia and Grant reunite and decide to get married. Things hit a rough patch when the two families have to meet in a "hilarious" way that's similar to that of "Meet the Parents" and the groom's old flame Andy (Sophie Monk) shows up, wanting him back. Like all the romantic comedies it spoofs, there's a lot of gross-out jokes, some romantic moments and a big misunderstanding so if Julia and Grant are meant to be together forever, they'll have to work past all of these shenanigans.

    The best thing that can be said about this movie is that it isn't the worst film that Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg have put together. There are roughly three or four jokes that actually work and Alyson Hannigan is so charming she manages to make the best of her role, even when covered in fat makeup and forced to perform in a truly embarrassing role. The film's cheap special effects sometimes work in its favour (like when we get to look into a neighbouring cat lady's apartment, which is filled with some of the fakest looking cats you'll have ever seen) and in at least a few scenes manage to blur the line between genuine comedic effort and just shoddy workmanship. If you watch the movies with the subtitles on, there is also a pretty creative use of adjectives when describing the fart noises made by Jinxers, the family cat. I know I'm really stretching it here but I'm trying to make an effort to give the movie credit where credit is due. I'll be happy to admit however that this film is a complete and utter disaster.

    For a spoof, there are very few jokes that work. As a romantic or date film, there is no romance to be found. It is the lowest form of humor that can be found, as demonstrated by the overwhelming amount of fart, poop and testicle-injury jokes. For my own amusement, I'll list some of the things I hated about the film. How about the fact that the movie begins with a spoof of "Napoleon Dynamite", a quick gag that comes and goes and never returns again."Napoleon Dynamite" isn't really a romantic comedy and the gag has no bearing on the plot whatsoever, it's just in the movie so they can slap it in the trailer. The movie is filled with cheap jokes like this. We get references to "Lord of the Rings" (though I sincerely doubt the writer/directors actually saw any of those films since they can't even get that joke straight)," Kill Bill" and "King Kong" just because those were popular films at the time. We get references to "The Bachelor" and "Pimp My Ride", actors imitating Jennifer Lopez, Brittany Spears and Michael Jackson (teenagers will find it hilarious because... ? ), quick references to Tiffany & Co. And homosexual behaviour because if they come and go really quickly, audiences will be tricked into thinking there was a joke there and will laugh. What the movie didn't count on was that now that the movie is available on Dvd, where we can pause it at our leisure (or even better, hit the "eject" button) there is plenty of time to analyze this thing to death and make it pay for its comedic sins. The movie is constantly throwing bad gross-out jokes in the way that many romantic comedies do but it misses entirely why they work in the films it is spoofing: in most movies, the gross-out jokes are inserted to balance out the sweet moments and the comedic timing of the couple. In this film, there is no chemistry between Alyson Hannigan and Adam Campbell and nearly every single written joke falls flat so all you get is one gross moment after another and endless pop culture references. Some jokes to films like "What Women Want" are introduced and you think they're going to lead somewhere. How could you not when the entire scene is dedicated to Julia being able to read people's minds and discover what the plot is going to be from there on? But no, it's just in and out, moving on to the next segment referencing a better movie than this one.

    I'll admit I laughed a couple of times, sometimes even when the directors meant for me to. The problem here is that the movie is not funny. There is no way this movie could have worked in the first place because a spoof is supposed to take something serious and make fun of it, not just regurgitate the most generic love story you can think of and insert elements from movies the audience has seen or heard of. How can these two hacks, Friedberg, and Seltzer, the anti-geniuses that would go on to bring us the catastrophes that are "Epic Movie"," Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie" hope to turn a bad idea into a good comedy? You can't make fun of a joke because you can't make fun of someone that isn't taking himself or herself seriously. The story is awful and unimaginative, the references have already becomes dated a mere 8 years after the movie has been released, the actors look ashamed of themselves (even though they're trying their hardest to spin this crap into gold) and if you were hoping that this "Unrated" version of the movie would make things better, it doesn't. This raunchy comedy might call itself unrated but the closest thing you get to any nudity is a censored shot of Alyson Hannigan spoofing "Girls Gone Wild" and Sophie Monk slapping herself silly with a hamburger while wearing a bikini. Needless to say, there's no gore or strong subject material and with only two minutes of added footage you don't get much colorful language either. This "Unrated" business is a trap, out to lure suckers into thinking this movie could be worth seeing.

    I would say that the one audience this movie might be for would be incredibly undiscriminating teenagers but that just isn't the case. I really doubt they would understand the references that are being put on the screen here and unless they're huge movie fans, it's unlikely they'll get what films are being lampooned. If you grew up with the subjects being spoofed, you've already out-grown this movie and will find it torturous to watch, begging for the thing to end. Do yourself a favor and just pretend this movie doesn't exist. It's an awful, awful experience. (Unrated Version on Dvd, August 16, 2013)

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    adamwatchesmovies@  22.5.2016 age: 26-35 2,866 reviews

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