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This thing is about as erotic as a trip to the the proctologist (well, hopefully the latter is not an erotic experience for anyone) The movie is offensive only in the sense that it rakes the intelligence through the coals. There is little chemistry between the charismatically-challenged leads. Jamie Dornan's acting skills consist of two actions: abs covered and abs exposed. Johnson's deer-caught-in-the-headlights performance reveals her proclivity to bite her lower lip while maintaining a stunned expression as if she had been recently hit over the head. Both actors appear to be thinking: what in the hell am I doing here? Examples of scintillating (humorous?) dialogue "I'm fifty shades of f***** up." and "I'm going to [...] you into next week." Perhaps this is kinky porn for the ladies. Or the movie might be useful for police interrogators - a suspect is likely to confess to anything - perhaps to killing Kennedy after a few minutes viewing. Fifty Shades of Grey - how about Fifty Shades of Crap?
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