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    Ben-Hur

    Reviewed by
    adamwatchesmovies@

    WARNING: This review is hidden because it reveals the content of the film.
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    I’m getting really sick of these remakes/re-imaginings. Sure, it’s one thing when you bring something new to the franchise or you think you can improve on the original, but you know that wasn’t the case with “Ben-Hur”. It’s a bad film that was doomed from the start. It doesn’t even make me angry or disappointed. It just makes me kind of sad.

    Judah Ben-Hur (Jack Huston) is surprised when his adoptive Roman brother Messala (Toby Kebbell) returns from abroad a changed man. After a failed assassination attempt on Pontius Pilate (Pilou Asbaek), Ben-Hur and his family are accused. Messala sends his family to rot in the dungeon and sentences his “brother” to the galleys. Against all odds, Ben-Hur escapes this death sentence and swears revenge.

    Some might say that it’s not fair to compare this 2016 film to the original, but I disagree. They certainly didn’t make a new adaptation of General Lew Wallace’s book because it suddenly spiked in popularity. There are no monsters that needed “updating” and I can’t think of any elements from either of the previous adaptations that haven’t aged well… unless you count the casting of white actors in the lead roles. That’s why the film makes me upset. 1925’s “Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ” has been selected for preservation by the United States National Film Registry and is rated 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. The 1959 adaptation won 11 Academy Awards. Did they think a third time around they’d win 12? This was a write-off from the start. I’d wager that everyone involved knew they weren’t going to be able to make a classic, but everyone’s got to eat so they took the job. There’s no enthusiasm here, no genuine ambition. Even if it was well written, this picture’s destiny is to be forgotten as soon as it leaves the box office. No one was asking for this and the only people who are going to see it are in their 50’s and up, purely because they remember the name and don’t already own it on DVD.

    If I had to pick the two biggest flaws present, I’d choose the character drama and the action. While watching “Ben-Hur”, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the events unfolding. When Ben-Hur and Messala’s friendship dissolves, I couldn’t help but be reminded not of grandiose tragedies, but of soap-opera type contrivances I saw when I was in high school. The catalyst that shows Messala’s true colors isn’t an accident anymore, it’s a real-life assassination attempt. I can’t say I’m fully onboard with Messala’s verdict on the situation, but when someone has to dodge a lethally aimed arrow, punishment must follow. Since Ben-Hur harbored the cutthroat, and for unexplained reasons never comes forth with the truth, I guess he deserves his fate. You don’t believe Messala’s character arcs, no matter how many prolonged PG-13 battle sequences are thrown at you, and no hammy moments of innocent joy and forced tears will sell you on what’s supposed to be a profoundly moving fallout. It’s a bunch of little kids running around flabbergasted that things don’t go right, which makes the badly written story that much more obvious. If the 1925 and 1959 version of the film are finely crafted marble statues, 2016 equivalent is a cinderblock someone’s taken a sledgehammer to.

    You might have assumed that if anything good would come out of a film that didn’t need to be made, at least it would be the action sequences. There are instances where we see flashes of Roman legions fighting barbarians… and they’re ok for quick glimpses. The most memorable, most Ben-Hurian bits are the ones that truly disappoint. A bunch of material is cut out of Ben-Hur’s involvement in a big battle at sea and instead we get what reminded me of a cut scene from “God of War”, minus the monsters. The chariot race the trailers and advertisements focus on? It doesn’t fare much better. First, and I hate to keep doing this, but it does not impress, not next when you compare it to the award winning and groundbreaking stuff we’ve seen in the past. Sure, this time around the horses smash into fallen chariots and flip over… but you know those aren’t real horses. When people get dragged through the sand of the arena, they don’t get shredded like they would in real life. It’s phony. Second, and this goes back to my first point, you don’t care about anyone involved. This whole affair could have been resolved if people had sat down calmly and talked it out. The idea that it’s spiraled upwards into a battle of life-and-death, it’s ludicrous. This film desperately wants to be hardcore by throwing all kinds of modern-day tricks in the arena but they fail to generate any excitement in an audience that knows anything about film.

    Normally, I’d get angry at this type of film. It’s truly a waste of time. There’s no elegance in the way that it shows Jesus Christ’s story intersect with Ben-Hur’s; the ending hangs limply, hoping that it’ll be forgiven for being so lame; it’s not convincing as a period piece. What I see here is Hollywood grasping at straws. It’s Paramount Pictures and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer looking and charts of numbers and saying “Studies show that 100% of households use cups, so let’s invent something to replace cups and we’ll make millions! ” Honestly, I feel bad for everyone involved in “period piece epic”. No one is going to be proud of 2016’s “Ben-Hur” and it wasn’t even their fault; It was a bad idea that someone stupidly green-lit. (Theatrical version on the big screen, August 28, 2016)

    2
    HelpfulNot helpful  Reply
    adamwatchesmovies@  5.9.2016 age: 26-35 2,867 reviews

    Don't bank on those of us over 50 wanting anything to do with this movie. I grew up watching the 1959 version whenever it was on TV and my first reaction when I heard they were doing a remake was, Are they idiots? It's going to be like comparing No Fear Shakespeare to the original plays: the plot is there, but none of the poetry. Reviews like yours validate my concerns. I'll probably wait for Vudu to have a $0.99 sale.

    HelpfulNot helpful Reply
    catlady@  15.9.2016 age: 50+ 11 reviews

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