Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows

“Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2” has to mark the biggest gap in quality I’ve ever seen between the first picture and its sequel. This one easily beats “Bridget Jones’s The Edge of Reason”. Did the people in charge even see the original? This follow-up is a complete betrayal, a cycled of decisions that go from bad to worse. But, I nevertheless find myself awarding it a sublimely generous half out of five stars. How?! Why?! Read on.

In a strange move so crazy it almost makes sense, the film is set in our world, and in it, the first film is just a film. The protagonists are its biggest fans: Tristen (Tristine Skyler) and Stephen (Stephen Barker) are amateur documentarians researching the "truth"; Erica (Erica Leerhsen) is a Wiccan who laments the perpetuation of witch stereotypes; Kim (Kim Director) is a goth chick who just thought the movie was cool. Leading them on a “totally legitimate tour” is Jeff (Jeffrey Donovan), a local who has turned the phenomenon into a source of income. When a night of partying in the woods leaves all of their equipment destroyed and their memories blank, the young adults try to figure out what exactly is happening to them.

This movie is nothing but mistakes. Based on some of the special features, I have to believe that director Joe Berlinger’s vision was butchered by the studio, but It just makes me wonder why the film was made in the first place. “The Blair Witch Project” was enormously profitable, but I nothing about it screamed: "stick around for part 2!"

None of these characters are remotely likable and quickly brand themselves as “too dumb to live”. Jeff is a sleazy businessman; Kim is a loony with “psychic powers”; Erica is an irritating stereotypical “real” Wiccan and the two final characters, Tristen and Stephen are bland beyond belief. There’s something about every single one that brands them as an idiot or makes them so annoying you want them dead. Let’s say you’re a Wiccan and weird witchy stuff started happening around you. Would you start performing rituals that include candles placed in the form of a pentagram and chanting in a mysterious language that no one can understand… without telling everyone else what you are doing? I understand the lady is panicking, but I’d like to think that if I was at an all-bacon potluck and sentient pig-men were about to barge in I'd have the intelligence to stop eating.

The film is overwhelmingly vague. I still don’t know what was real, a hallucination triggered by ghosts/witchcraft, intentionally made ambiguously, and what was simply a continuity or consistency error. “Book of Shadows” is simultaneously so predictable you can’t believe it got greenlit and filled with so many obvious and poor decisions that it is full of surprises. Make a list entitled “The worst things that could happen”. Really think hard about what a bunch of misguided filmmakers and executives would do. Now you’ve got this film's plot. If your list includes ‘naked ritual dancing’ you’re on the right track!

Everything that was done well in the first picture is botched here. There are no scares. Instead, we get visuals so baffling they become hilarious. There is an owl that comes up a couple of times. When you see what happens with it, you'll either laugh or silently sit puzzled for 5 minutes. There is no atmosphere built up at all. Every scene is so disjointed and raises so many questions that even if there were some possibly frightening sequences (and I’m not counting the cheap jump scares accompanied with musical stings) you wouldn’t know when to be frightened. The performances vary wildly and the way the writing is awful. There is a Sheriff that confronts the protagonists and he is the most stereotypical small town sheriff you’ve ever seen. I’m embarrassed for actor Lanny Flaherty for asking goth Kim “You think those clothes and that makeup gives you power?! ” The first film was subtle and invited you do discover things on your own, this one is clumsily executed and delivers a lot of information that leads nowhere or makes no sense when it explains things at all.

There is only one debatably good thing here, it was a trick I found kind of endearing. It’s as if you set up video cameras outside of your house and caught kids vandalizing your property but were unable to identify them until, to your amusement, the thugs came to you the next day to offer and fix up the place for a fee. Agreeing to their terms, you dial 9-1-1 to get them locked up… only after their job is done. On the DVD, you will notice a special feature plays automatically after the film and invites you to decipher a bunch of clues by watching the picture again, taking a second look at some “horrifying imagery” in key scenes. The audacity in this invitation to uncover a secret to a website that is no longer in operation is legendary. It’s the final nail in the coffin that seals the lid but also punches a hole in it and lets endless vermin crawl inside. Honestly, I almost want to watch the movie again just to see what this stupid puzzle is.

Who’s to blame for “Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2”? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t work on any level. Above everything else, the ending cheats. There’s no way you can solve this mystery! It’s got several unintentionally hilarious moments… and there isn’t even a “Book of Shadows”! It’s the most glorious examples of a sequel gone wrong I’ve ever seen. I don’t recommend that you or anyone else ever see “Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2” but it sure is a lot of fun to rip apart. (On DVD, July 11, 2015)