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    Dirty Grandpa

    Reviewed by
    adamwatchesmovies@

    WARNING: This review is hidden because it reveals the content of the film.
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    I’d like to award “Dirty Grandpa” a half star mark for each time I laughed. That sounds about fair right? Horror movies are meant to make you scared. The scarier it is, the better it is. Dramas are meant to raise emotions and the more feels you get, the higher quality the movie. So I’ll gladly give this comedy the rating it deserves, a sublime 0. I have to believe that this is one of the worst films we’ll be seeing in 2016. A predictable comedy who squanders the talent of its actors, is so unrealistic you’ll wonder if aliens wrote it and worst of all, contains no laughs whatsoever.

    Following the death of his grandmother, Jason (Zac Effron) accepts to drive his grandfather Richard (Robert DeNiro) to Boca Raton, Florida. What Jason didn’t know when he said yes is that now that Grandpa is single he’s become obsessed with sex.

    I hate this kind of comedy. It’s the kind of film where the action is set in this other dimension that looks like our world, but with completely different rules. For example, Jason begins the film engaged to Meredith (Julianne Hough) She’s a harpy. All she does is talk about her wedding plans and nag her future husband. She’s obsessed about trivial things to the point where at the grandmother’s funeral she pulls out her cell phone to show Jason different ties to wear. I don’t know about you, but anyone who would pull that kind of despicable behaviour, you break up with them on the spot. In this universe you would. But of course Jason won’t because the movie won’t allow him to. The comedic hijinks would never happen if these people talked or acted like human beings do.

    There’s no one to like in this movie. Richard is a pervert, and not a funny one that’s lusting after women but who gets rejected (at least in theory I can conceive that being funny.) He’s just a dusty fossil who likes to flash his junk, grope anyone/everyone, doesn’t care about anybody but himself but oh! Will expose his wisdom and heart of gold during the third act of the film in order to trick the audience into forgetting how much they hated him beforehand. Jason’s no better. He’s such a spineless worm that you wonder if he’s some kind of mentally handicapped person that can’t say no. Any other person in the world would have dumped his grandfather on the side of the road and told him to find his own way to Florida, and not like a day into this journey; five minutes in any sane person would put their foot down. The picture follows these two through a series of unbelievable adventures and it drives you absolutely crazy.

    This science fiction story is set in a world where there are only two police officers and the law only applies when it’s inconvenient for our protagonists. Shoot a gun in the middle of the day and nobody cares. Steal a motorcycle? Well the keys were left in the ignition so that can’t be a crime. Assault? Tampering with murder case evidence? Exposing paying audience members to a cinematic bowel movement? No big deal. Don’t even get me started on the love interests in this movie. Normally I would have been really excited at the prospect of Aubrey Plaza talking all kinds of dirty and stripping down to her underwear, but there’s so little imagination in this script that it even screws that up.

    I should really come up with a list of comedic desperation so I can check it off for future reference whenever I see bad comedies. Just by enumerating the ones found in “Dirty Grandpa” I think I have them all. Full-frontal male nudity, people taking drugs by accident, fart jokes, racist and homophobic material (which is quickly followed by a nice message assuring the audience that people of colour and LGBT are people that deserve to be respected too, of course), gags about child molestation, prison rape, children innocuously saying dirty/perverted things, old movie references, and most of these several times throughout the agonizingly long 102 minute running time. It's so desperate to squeeze laughs out of you as it throttles you to death that I half expected our “comedic” duo to wander into a Klu Klux Klan meeting and to tear up the place.

    The whole premise of the film is juvenile. It’s an old person, and he’s saying nasty stuff! Old people shouldn’t say that kind of thing! That gets really old, really fast. It even invents whole new kinds of soul-sucking anti-humour with a scene in which people can’t hear each other, even though they’re in a quiet room where no one is talking. I guess yelling doesn’t exist in this fantastical universe either.

    I know people are going to call “Spoiler” on this review, but this movie sucks so much I just can’t take it. I want to ruin it for you so you skip out on this movie. You’ll never know it, but I saved you a world of pain. “Dirty Grandpa” is so horrendous I think it made me hallucinate. I could have sworn that during the end credits it said “based on true events and characters” and I know that can’t be true. It’s bad enough to make even the most battle-worn movie viewers never want to take a chance with a comedy ever again. Words fail to describe how much I hated “Dirty Grandpa”. There is a scene during the end credits though, so if you make it that far, you might as well stick around. (Theatrical version on the big screen, January 31, 2016)

    1
    HelpfulNot helpful  Reply
    adamwatchesmovies@  2.2.2016 age: 26-35 2,867 reviews

    Well said. I couldn't agree more. I love comedies. This was NOT a comedy.

    HelpfulNot helpful Reply
    arsutton321@  6.2.2016 age: 50+

    I sooo agree. I thought it was totally disgusting and will find it really hard to even think about seeing another movie that featured this well known actor who should have known better.. maybe he's going senile?

    HelpfulNot helpful Reply
    carole@  9.2.2016 age: 50+

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