Alice in Wonderland

WARNING: This review is hidden because it reveals the content of the film.
Click here to show this review. Hey! Who got their “Chronicles of Narnia” all over my Lewis Carroll? I thought I was getting into “Alice in Wonderland”, but this is nothing like the world of the March Hare, the Mad Hatter, the Queen of Hearts I’ve ever seen. This is the kind of film that people are going to love, but for all of the wrong reasons. I know I’m going to break the hearts of a lot of college-attending 21-year-old women by doing this, but this film needs a beat down. I’m not saying YOU can’t enjoy it, but hear me out before you fall in unconditional love.

Nineteen-year-old Alice (Mia Wasikowska) wants to escape her cartoonish and boring suitor (Leo Bill) Opportunity to take control of her life comes when she follows Nivens McTwisp (voiced by Michael Sheen) down a rabbit hole and finds herself in the strange world of Underland, where odd creatures like the dodo Uilleam (voiced by Michael Gough), the mouse Mallymkun (voiced by Barbara Windsor), the caterpillar Absolem (voiced by Alan Rickman) and Tarrant Hightopp (Johnny Depp) live in fear. To save Underland, Alice will have to defeat the tyrannical Iracebeth of Crims (Helena Bonham Carter), her mechanical soldiers and the dragon-like Jabberwocky.

If you’re excited about seeing an adaptation of “Alice in Wonderland” with modern special effects, you’ll be thoroughly disappointed. The DVD cover/movie poster lures you in with colorful images, recognizable characters, nostalgia for the 1951 animated classic… but you’re in for something completely different. Alice is not a little girl who wanders into a world of non-logic. She’s a full-grown adult trying to escape the woes of 1860’s womanhood. Underland (because changing the name of the place was absolutely essential) is brown, dusty and gloomy. There aren’t even any mad people about! Do a “find-replace” and change the name “Alice” in this story to “Rose” and you’ve got a film that resembles “Silent Hill” more than it does anything Lewis Carroll.

The casting of Johnny Depp and the unique look of Tarrant Hightopp (who is supposed to be the Mad Hatter) is sure to please many, but he embodies everything wrong with this film. Sure he dabbles in some nonsensical lines here and there, but his actions are perfectly logical. A role that should have been a fun cameo (something akin to the wolf in “Into the Woods”) is now a main character. Why? To bank on a property that people will recognize, not because creatively it makes sense. The elements that haven’t been altered are trivial at this point. They can’t even get little details right for hardcore fans. “Jabberwocky” is the name of the poem, not the dragon!

Even if you separate yourself from the work this film is leeching off of to get your hard-earned money, it’s not a good film. It’s obvious that the overuse of green screens left many of the actors and actresses unsure how to react to the settings around them, particularly lead Mia Wasikowska. It looks like Alice has suffered a lobotomy as she walks through Underland with a constant look of dull surprise. I’m reminded of the “Star Wars” prequels where this world of boundless imagination was created, but the actors were left in the dark. Burton favorites Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter fair ok. Other talented actors and actresses are completely wasted. I can picture Anne Hathaway, whom we know to be great, begging for direction on what her character is feeling and being told repeatedly to “Just act whimsically. More whimsical! ”

This picture is drowning in Tim Burton’s special sauce, but I don’t want to put the blame entirely on his shoulders. Writer Linda Woolverton deserves to be called out on her story. It takes a profound amount of arrogance to toss away everything in the original novel, give characters new backstories, new names, new personalities and call your film “Alice in Wonderland”. This screenplay is obsessed with turning Alice into a flawless, strong, independent female. Instead of a hero we can cheer for, we have one that puts you to sleep. Apparently aware of this, the picture constantly turns away to follow other cast members but the more you learn about this world, the less everyone’s actions make sense. And no, I don’t mean in a non-logic way, I mean that if everyone is so desperate to take down the evil Queen, why haven’t they taken action? Doesn’t the resistance realize their ranks include an invisible, flying cat? Send Cheshire to assassinate Iracebeth. Movie over!

I don’t see any passion in this project, only something marked “sure thing” by fat cats. Most frustrating is that design-wise, costume-wise and when looking at the special effects, you can see how it could have been spectacular. I criticized the changes made, but those could have been "a fresh new take" if it had been a good movie. But it isn’t. When Burton signed on to do “Alice”, he also got a deal to remake his own short film, “Frankenweenie”. Released in 2012, that picture is inspired. It’s fun, the joy of filmmaking is tangible. This CGI extravaganza feels like a contractual obligation.

2010’s “Alice in Wonderland” is terribawful. It’s not what it advertises itself to be. Even on its own isn’t compelling. It boils my blood to think of those who will latch onto this property because of their affinity for Johnny Depp, the would-be feminist messages, and the Tim Burton Brand. This is a film for people who like “Alice in Wonderland”, but have never read it and have only vague memories of the previous film adaptations. (On DVD, February 12, 2016)