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    Are We There Yet?

    Reviewed by
    adamwatchesmovies@

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    There are some people who would say that a grown man has no business watching a family-aimed comedy like “Are We There Yet? ”. They would claim that obviously I would hate it and find it not only unfunny, but bland and profoundly stupid because it was never meant for me. They’re probably right, I had no business watching this film, but I did. I can now affirm to you that unless you’re under 10-years old or a parent who’s been forced to watch so many of these dumb family comedies that your brain has degenerated into a gelatine-like lump of grey mush there’s no way you can find this Ice Cube film anything but irritating and nerve wracking. The plot concerns Mr. Cube as Nick. He falls for a single mom named Suzanne (Nia Long, of “Big Momma’s House”, which I’m sad to say is likely to find itself playing on my television in the near future) and things seem to go well, except she insists on sticking him in the friend zone. When Suzanne’s no-good ex-husband has left her without a sitter to watch her mischievous (leaning towards demonic) children Lindsey (Aleisha Allen) and Kevin (Philip Daniel Bolden), Nick sees an opportunity. He’ll impress her, get out of the friend zone and into her pants/relationship zone by taking the kids to the New Year’s Eve festivities she is putting together in Vancouver. Just run with the plot, it’s an excuse to get scary Ice Cube in a car with two annoying kids.

    If you’re an adult watching this film, then I’m afraid that you’re wasting your time because there isn’t a thing for you here. The humour is completely juvenile, with Nick getting hit in the crotch, beaten up by a deer, being forced to stop for potty breaks and generally tormented by the children over and over. No pop culture references, no innuendos, not even some moments of romance for the adults here, just pratfalls, a semblance of slapstick humour and more pratfalls. As a grown-up, you will absolutely hate the meddling children of this movie because they’re plain evil. They steal Nick’s car, the get cause him to get assaulted multiple times, destroy his property, force him in embarrassing situations over and over, all because they are convinced that their father will get back together with their mom. As an adult you will know that there’s not a chance this will ever happen because although he would never admit it, the dad left because of the kids. It’s not explicitly said, but come on. They are seen shooting arrows at potential suitors, setting up Home Alone-style traps and generally being pests so do you think that behaviour just magically appeared once daddy left? You also won’t sympathize for Nick, who is the dumbest adult in the whole film. If the kids fool him once, fine, he didn’t know what to expect. Twice? Alright, well even a broken clock is right twice a day... so that means something right? If they proceed to destroy your car, trick you and/or get you attacked a third, fourth, fifth and sixth time, then it’s your fault and you should ask yourself what reduced you to the state where a couple of pint-sized devils can outsmart you time and time again. I really came to resent Nick because he was just so dumb. And yes, I realize that if he had had any hint of intelligence there would be no movie. He would have realized that no woman that has repeatedly affirmed that she doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you is worth getting this badly treated for.

    Even from the point of a view of a film, this isn’t particularly well put together. The acting from the children is poor and it never feels like anyone was doing this film for any reason other than getting a quick cheque. The humour is the kind of stuff you’ve seen a hundred times in every other family-children live action comedy so it isn’t creative or imaginative in the least. There isn’t even a nice message at the end or anything. The conclusion of the film plays out exactly as you will predict it will as soon as Nick and the kids get into the car. It’s predictable and it isn’t funny either, not the least bit when Tracy Morgan as a badly CGI’ed talking Bobble Head interjects the plot with some “snappy” witticisms.

    I know this film wasn’t made for me, but there’s nothing here for anyone. No one is stretching their acting abilities; no one is breaking new forms of artistry or taking any chances. From an audience’s point of view, no one is seeing anything new, learning anything or getting something they couldn’t out of an episode of any given live action show on YTV like “Mr. Young” or “I-Carly”. Yeah kids will laugh, but kids will laugh at any funny-looking guy getting hit in the face by something unexpected. Give your children some credit and try finding something of substance and intelligence, like a good movie, or a book, or a dinosaur-shaped maze in the Saturday-morning newspaper instead of showing them “Are we There Yet”. (On Dvd, July 6, 2014)

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    adamwatchesmovies@  3.8.2015 age: 26-35 2,867 reviews

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