If you ever needed a movie to make 2014's "Guardians of the Galaxy" look like a frickin' masterpiece of its genre, look no further. Everything Guardians does well within the confines of scifi pulp, "Jupiter" does poorly. Tons of boring exposition? Check. Completely passive protagonist? Check. Boring villains? Check check and check. Even its visual design is flaky, with characters that wouldn't look out of place in a bad Final Fantasy knock-off. Tatum's character, Caine Wise, is like a fanboy/girl's wet dream. "He's part wolf... ummm he's ALBINO... no-one loves him... and he's Channing Tatum!" That quite literally feels like how they brainstormed this guy. And Jupiter? Yeesh. I could go on and on picking this flick apart, ranging from how much I disliked the scifi tropes it used and how irritating and ineffectual the villains are, but you know what? I'll simply say don't watch it. It's even lacking in dumb fun. Maybe if you have it on in the background while you do something else. Otherwise screw it.
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