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    Transformers: Dark of the Moon

    Reviewed by
    adamwatchesmovies@

    Technically, “Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” is a better film than its predecessor. There are fewer bad jokes, the plot makes more sense and some of the questionable additions to the series are absent. That doesn’t mean it’s not too long, poorly written, or in any way satisfying.

    When the Autobots discover that the United States government has known about the “Ark” - a Cybertronian spacecraft that crash-landed on the dark side of the Moon - since 1961, tension between the alien robots and humans rises. What neither group realizes is that this discovery is part of a sinister Decepticon plot.

    Rejoice! Wigger bots Skids and Mudflap have been unceremoniously written out of the series! Unfortunately, they’ve been replaced by new, equally irritating characters. Ken Jeong plays a psychotic office worker who harasses Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), John Malkovich plays his extremely O. C. D. boss, and John Turturro’s Simmons is back - this time he comes with a goofy sidekick (Alan Tudyk). Cut them all out and you might have a picture that actually gets interesting before the first hour. At a bloated 154 minutes, this film is in desperate need of some editing.

    This effort by director Michael Bay (who doesn’t seem to be listening to the critics) and writer Ehren Krueger is as terrible as Peter Cullen is dedicated to his role as Optimus Prime. Yes, the special effects, action sequences, sound editing, and character designs are all great. It's neat to hear Leonard Nimoy (who voices Optimus' mentor Sentinel Prime) in the movie, as he voiced a different character in the 1986 film but there's no "love" from the franchise. The proof is in the plot. The picture begins on the wrong foot with Sam struggling to find a job and now dating a new hottie, Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley). You'd assume he snagged her with his very appealing resume of having saved the world twice... but then why is he career-less? Shouldn't he have some sort of human-alien ambassador position at least? Meanwhile, a bunch of new Cybertronians are hanging out on our world without any explanation...

    It’s hard to generate any enthusiasm for this film. I could list everything wrong with it, but why bother? Nobody cares. Optimus is a violent thug who proves himself so powerful he basically removes all tension from the picture. Sam is irritating, his relationship with Carly isn’t believable, and the drama between the two of them and her boss (Patrick Dempsey) isn’t compelling. The villains are only threatening when they’re annihilating everything in their path but you know the story will come up with some Deus Ex-Machina to even the odds. The film's conclusion may be definitive, but it's also as dignified as "Dickbot the blender guy" - a real character in this franchise.

    I SHOULD like this film better than the second, but I don’t. Maybe it’s the character designs. Unlike those from “Revenge of the Fallen”, these don't feel inspired. While there are a couple of cool action scenes, they don’t measure up to that forest battle. The film doesn’t have the enthusiasm and heart of the first, and it isn’t doing anything new, not really. What are we left with, except visual and auditory noise? “Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” is a film I can sit through painlessly but that's as feeble an endorsement as I can think of. (On Blu-ray, June 25, 2017)

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    adamwatchesmovies@  2.7.2017 age: 26-35 2,867 reviews

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