Goon: Dur à cuire

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    basilherringboneiii@ wrote:

    At last, a movie for the coarse and witless! Thus does Alliance enter the world of international cinema, stealthily approaching through its sewers. Hats off to the writers who magically transformed a 17 minute plot into 91 minutes by preceding each noun and verb with a profanity -- hearken with enthusiasm that these Bards have merely advanced to the letter "F" so far! Contemplate the promise of three hour productions when they short wise gain command of the entire alphabet! Now, what can I say with respect to the Canadian content? How bracing it is to see a road sign with the word Quebec on a 20 foot screen! Here is Canadian culture at its finest. Nevertheless, rest assured that is not the only Canadian cultural experience you will have; and, therefore, let there be little doubt that the federal government contributed substantially to the production, in order that we might hear effective and compelling usage of the phoneme "eh? " which resonates like the whispering in French while making love, upon Canadian ears. Nor should we neglect the film's homage to our multicultural commitments, as expressed in the cross-genital musings of two Slavs, the profanities of an Asian puck-master, and a center ice fistfight between the hero and an African Canadian that, in the interest of affirmative action, ends in the only "draw". One imagines a bus board sign sponsored by the Canadian government, or its sister agent, United Colors of Benetton, in which the human rainbow smiles with half its teeth knocked out. The only omission in this film, if I may in all humility offer a moment of criticism, involves one missing genuflection before our noble cultural polyvalence; and that is the absence of a graceful and welcoming hand toward what had been, at an earlier date in our history, referred to as the fairer sex. Certainly half a dozen toothless women with broken noses would provide this film the gender balance that it so desperately needs in order to fill its moral obligations to Canadians and their crying out for the national content that enrichens their identities and lives. Rest assured, however, there is one homosexual. And, most important, given the topic, with respect to teeth and bloody noses, this film does great justice to Canada's national sport; placing it in its proper position with respect to talent and gamesmanship. May I digress and simply add the following: the opportunity to see a black piece of rubber hitting a nylon mesh net several times after being struck by a stick – like a fine pizza, it makes one kiss the very tips of one's fingers! Of course, the broad inclusion of American actors served to legitimate the film with respect to its Canadian context; and, may I add, a final hurrah for the honesty of the film, for its total lack of pretense. Unlike THE ARTIST, for example, this film proposes to be nothing other than itself, and for that we must all be grateful. A pity, however, that these are our two alternatives. For [...] sake -- doesn't anybody know how to write any more? A pity that line will be deleted; but, I suppose if I wanted it included, I would have co-authored the script. En fin, like the cause célèbre from which this film has evolved, The Trailer Park Boys, our production is grounded in a deep understanding (albeit at a distance and peering only at it through binoculars) of the richness of the vulgar; and thereby does Canadian high culture elevate itself by appropriating and representing Canadian low culture. Open your mouths widely for this film, boys and girls, because the spoon that will be used to shovel it is mighty and wide, indeed! Basil Herringbone iii.


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