Small Soldiers

WARNING: This review is hidden because it reveals the content of the film.
Click here to show this review. "Small Soldiers" has some smart aspects to it and the satirical aspects work well, but the movie has too many useless characters that take away from the good bits. The film follows Alan Abernathy (Gregory Smith), a teenager who works in his father's family toy store (the kind that adults appreciate more than kids because they don't carry any violent toys) In an effort to make the store some money, he convinces a delivery truck driver friend of his to "misplace" some of his shipment of GloboTech's latest line of toys, the Commando Elite military toys and their hated enemies, the grotesque Gorgonites. He puts the toys up for sale without realizing that these toys aren't exactly fit for the average consumer. In fact because of their super advanced microprocessor integrated circuit computer brains, these action figures are essentially alive and in the case of the Commando Elite, capable of being quite dangerous.

When you hear about the overall plot of the film; that a series of incredibly advanced military-based action figures that can walk, talk and learn go on a rampage you get excited. I can already see the potential for some dark humor, some laughs and maybe even some genuine scares! The problem is that the movie isn't focused on this conflict. The main characters in the film are Alan and the Gorgonites that he befriends, but we also have a romantic sub-plot involving Alan and his crush Christy (Kirsten Dunst) A lot of the movie feels more like a knock-off of "E. T.", with Alan having to hide the Gorgonites and teach them how to hide, speak English and behave instead of what you would expect it to be, a story where a kid has to fight off the inhabitants of his toy box. I know teenage boys are obsessed with girls, but how about you focus on staying alive instead of trying to get a date for once? These movie teenagers, I tell ya, they drive me nuts.

There are 7 Gorgonites with varying levels of personality and all of them could be eliminated from the film. They're unnecessary because the Commandos already have an opponent... US! What purpose do these extra seven characters serve? Certainly not to pad out the film, which runs at 1hr and 49 minutes. To look cool? I guess, but we already have the Commando Elite who are plenty of fun to watch because they're these over-exaggerated G. I. Joe types who use random junk and appliances to build lethal weapons. The heroic Gorgonites, so reluctant to fight and so prone to comedic hijinks feel like a leftover concept from an early script that should have been trimmed out entirely. Whenever the movie focuses on them, the movie slows to a crawl. It doesn’t help that they aren't nearly as funny or interesting as the Commando Elite and don't really get enough character development to be as interesting as you would hope.

It's too bad because the special effects are pretty effective and the character designs (for both factions) are excellent. I love the idea here too. It reminds me of something like "Gremlins", but with a twist! Oh wait, that was directed by Joe Dante as well. Nevertheless, the idea of killer toys after their owner sounds like a lot of fun, particularly when you mix it with the potential for satire present in the Commando Elite (with their leader voiced by Tommy Lee Jones, who is perfect for the part)

Ultimately, the movie feels like it would work better as a toy line than an actual movie. The cool characters aren't given enough focus or are given boring personalities and it steals time away from what you would have wanted to see more of. I would have liked to have heard what some of the characters like Link Static, Nick Nitro or Brick Bazooka would have had to say! Considering that the director Joe Dante has directed other films with a similar premise to this one, you can enjoy "Small Soldiers", but only if you've seen the films it's ripping off of so many times that you need a break from them and even then you won't really remember this picture once it's over. Though there are a lot of fun action scenes, funny sequences and cool character designs with special effects to match," Small Soldiers" ultimately feels generic. (On DVD, January 19, 2013)